The Haus of Many Waters

By the shores of the Irvine Lakey
By the shining Big-Pacific
Stood the wigwam of the Hauswife
Daughter of the Moon, the Hauswife
Right behind it rose the garden,
Rose the prickly bouganvilla,
Rose the palms with fronds upon them;
Bright before it beat the water,
Beat the clear and sunny water,
Beat the shining Big-Pacific

My deepest apologies to Mr. Longfellow. Can you tell that we've been studying Hiawatha, Minnehaha, Nokomis, and the shores of Gitchee Gumee to the point that they tumble around our brains inspiring very silly poetry?

But, aside from the many waters of Hiawatha, Henry Wadsworth has little to do with this tale of woe.

It began with a new dishwasher, which is a good thing, and a desire to save the $75 removal/installation fee. A good thing too, yes? NO! Nevernevernever try to remove a dishwasher if you're not a plumber! Spend the $75 with bliss in your heart! Do not under any circumstances yank and heave and wrench and hitch the execrable appliance until it is half-way out and irreparably stuck and you are drenched in sweat and mad as a hornet! Because that's when you'll hear a tiny little whisper in your mind wondering if you might have broken something.

Which is why when you step into the dining room two days later and hear, "Squiiiish-squiiiiish-squiiiish..." you will wishohwishohwish that you had spent the blasted $75 instead of broken a pipe in the wall and destroyed the entire kitchen, the butler's pantry (*), and the dining room including the Chinese rug and the piano.

(* Yes, we use the official la-di-da name for the room connecting the dining and the kitchen to the pantry, but we call the guest bathroom with Scottish decor the unimposing name "The Scottie Potty" so the pretention level balances out.)

Three days of roaring dehumidifiers and deafening blowers later you will still be beating yourself up. The knowledge that you have months of living in a house under construction without a functioning kitchen, especially over the holidays, ahead of you will encourage much grumbling and cause you much negative self-talk. It's just not worth the potential savings, folks... even if your wife forgives you later!

Moral of the story: Call the plumber, Hiawatha, or your wigwam will be filled with many waters!