26 September 2008

The New Survivor

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if... he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right...

to be called Mother!

(Thanks for this, Rox!)


Lori said...

Oh man this is GREAT!!! Not that I have the huge team that you have but I can relate!

I might just steal/borrow this from you!!!! ;)

Brad and Christy Sherrell said...

Love it! Love it! Love it! I wonder how many men would survive?

darci said...

that is so funny!! can I steal it from you? love it.

Hauswife said...

You betcha, Darci!

crazy thorne's said...

Love it, love it, love it!!!!!!!!!!!! So glad I didnt miss this post! By the way.... Tell snakebite we said hello!

crazy thorne's said...

Laurie, I was just thinking... ONLY three kids???

Caden would like to know if snakebite is on ichat? haha That might be danger zone for the two of them!

Anonymous said...

Oh oh oh -- HOW I wish that were a true television program!!! I think it'd get the highest ratings in history because EVERY mother in the country would be tuning in!

Absolutely excellent.

Kristi J said...

That is too funny...I loved it...so true...kristi

Rebecca said...

HA!!! Now THAT is a Survivor I would watch. :)